Pressure.

at this recent days,
pressure is up~

family became my biggest matter.
biibii became the second matter.
exam is the third.

• Family

how would i wish i wouldn't be writing about this now.
as sad as it seems..
yes i am doing it now.
i took much courage..much effort to swallow every bit she said.
no matter how awful it hurts..."what could i do. she brought me here."
i had always remember what she said.
and it shall be remembered for a very long time in me.

i left my IC with my friend. YES. my fault.
deserve scolding? YES
deserve yelling? to our family, YES
deserve humiliation? i guess NO
but that's what i get.

she said to my dad,
"if people were to ask, just say she tag along. we didn't know her~"
i didn't know how did she said that. but that was what i heard.
loud...and clear.
sounds like i worth nothing more than a stranger.
how hurtful was that??
worst than i thought it would be...

my dad once said,
"oh my god...why is my daughter like this??"
so least of respect for me...

if they were considering those words as words of anger...
it may NEVER to me.

• biibii

love of my life she is.
how much i love her...
how much i wanted her to be with me...
no one would understand.

but so much pain to endure...
the fear,
the worries...
it kills more than it should.

so what if i really do love her?
so what if i could love her FOREVER?
does that matter to people like us?
she knows like i know...
we had to break up.
question is..
who would have all the courage, to say so?

• exams

pressure is rising..
in such condition how much can i aim for?
what am i capable of..
siblings of great capable..
being highly looked upon.
and me?

so far away~

got to get back in the track..
keep running to the top.

redeem what i've lost.

DIGNITY.

-h-jyn-