In memories of

31 May 2010. That night, every thing was settling down and Uncle was sent to the parlour for prayers. It was raining heavily that night. I went forward to pay my respect and decided to take a look at him. when i was walking towards his coffin, I felt a surge of coldness. I look away a second later.

Then, the night went on. i watched people come and go, paying their last respect. Not everyone went to look at my Uncle when he is in the coffin. My dad didn't. My other 2 uncle didn't too.

i realise, my uncles and my father

just ain't ready yet for this.

1 June 2010. Things seemed to look settled. But sometimes, we get a little tired somehow.

2June 2010. we got up early in the morning, because this is D'Day.

The Day, where things burnt to ashes.

When we got there, its already 8something. I saw tears. i thought we were getting over it. I was wrong. It's crashing down back on me suddenly.

they sat and talked back about the past, talked back about my Uncle.

'He never smiled to us, until recently.He's changed.'

When it was about time, we, whom are younger than my Uncle are suppose to pray, while the elders shouldn't be looking (part of the beliefs)

1st, we placed our palm on his chest, telling him anything we want to say. I planned what to say before it was my turn. But once my hand got there...

i froze.

After our turn, the elders turn. They were only allowed to have a last peep. Then i heard cries and i looked up. I shouldn't be.

i saw tears in my dad's eyes.

Before the prayers begin, we were asked to look down. We did as i assume its a sign of mourning. Soon, i realise...that wasn't the only reason. i heard knocks...then i knew what happen.

They're closing the coffin.

I can't help it...but the sound is too disturbing. no one dared to look up at all. The prayers continue..and then, the coffin soon boarded on the Van and we are on the way to the cemetery.

We prayed for the last time there.. We kneel, and his eldest son, pressed a particular button which will carry the coffin down to cremation section.

My dad, my other uncle did not went down with us. We went down. As we watch the coffin in there, its no longer okay. My aunts is almost half screaming, i didn't know why, i cant help but cried too. But i told myself to suck it up, to sent him off.

The fire set.

They allow us to watch the fire burn, then seconds later close it. I opened my eyes, not even to blink, i watch it burn. then, I turned and saw my cousin brother crying.

He weren't close to his father. Not once. Not young ago. Not yet. But he had cried, like it or not.

HuiJin Liew