崩溃。Fall Apart.

崩溃。

摆在我面前的，
right in front of me now,
是一段就快崩溃的感情。
is a relationship that's gonna fall apart..

怎么说？
why is that?

对呀。。。
yes it is true,
是要10个月了，
it's been almost 10months now
但每个晚上我们对彼此说的
but i often doubt whenever i say
“晚安，我爱你”
"Goodnight, love you"
是否有50% 是发出真心说的吗？
is there 50% of it comes straight from the heart?

只看了以上那一句，
when you read that sentence,
是不是觉得
you feel like
太不可思议了吧。。
so unbelievable..
很想甩我一巴掌吧？
and feel like want to slap me so badly, don't you?
我觉得自己很过份
i'm just too much,
很可恶，
so horrible...

虽然如此，
even tough it seems like that
但没想到她不在我身边
when i think about her
会很想念。
i do miss her.
看她那么辛苦
to see her suffer so much
也会心疼。
it hurts straight into the heart.
我不懂自己在想什么， 做什么。
thats why i really do not know what am i thinking, what can i do.
只知道情绪很复杂
only knows how complicated it feels now
但同时，
its complicated because i fail to understand how i feel now
我也不想伤害她。
cuz to hurt her would be the last thing i want to do..

我想了很久，
i've been thinking so much,
该怎么办？
what should i do?

当她每次问我，
every time when she asks,
“你。。有心事吗？”
"Are you okay?"
我背着良心说 “没有啊~”
i denied and say, "Ya, sure"
“真的没事吗？” 老实说我不懂她是怎么察觉到的
"Really?" seriously i don't know how she realise that...
问了3次，
asking for the third time,
很想告诉她我现在怎么了。。
i really do want to tell her how i feel now..
告诉她，她最不想听到的一句。
to tell her, things she doesn't want to hear..
但我并非能亲口告诉她。
but i couldn't say it..

而如此就拖到今日。
and so, it become what it is today.
就好听一些，为她好。。
sounds better if its said to be for her own good..
我还故意说因为考试而就没空。
i purposely say that its exam, i do not have time to meet her.
假到死~
so ...extremely fake.
是故意要彼此有那份距离感。
just purposely want to create the gap between us..
成功吗？
succeeded?
失败了？
or failed?
我也不懂。
i don't know myself?
只知道无意中，
cause all i know,
不管做什么，
no matter what i do,
都不懂是否应该如此。。
i just didn't know should or shouldn't

不懂该渴望什么。。
i don't know what should i actually hope for...