we struggle.

Not that i'm being proud of myself..but i really do believe my ability to analyse is very good. when it comes to decision making, its always, pros and cons...then me myself. Maybe i was born selfish, i always think of myself first.

But its has come to the point, i doubt my about-to-make decision for once. What again? College case.

Its the money factor, the image factor, the pressure factor, the self factor.

I wanted to study there, but i have to pay a whole rather than another college which offers me zero payment. To consider for my parents, a zero payment would be great, don't you think so? cuz i do. But me myself had a decision in mind. a decision that would take time for me to change. i didn't want to study there. i didn't want to study in a college i don't want to, i had no intention to.

Being totally pushed to the level where i were to be selfish again, i wouldn't know if i would regret all life. regret cuz i made a decision that my parents against. To be honest, they weren't young anymore, and i'm scared sometimes...i do.

My fathers friends were very nice. They say my father is a honest man, a Samaritan. He says if i do engineering, i would definitely have made them real proud. He says if i want, and if i cant afford the cost, he'll loan me at zero interest.

My mother was displease to know i didn't want to do engineering; or career she consider professional. we didn't talk for a few days. So i didn't want to think about it either. i get very tired because the reasons is always there...will always be there.

i felt weak. couldn't even handle simple pressure like this. I use to be very sure of what i want...but i'm starting to lose myself.

HuiJin Liew