i still am crying.

It's been some time since I last teared up again. It was just , that I cried again. I do not know how to explain how it felt. It's just so sad, I can feel it inside of me.

Until today, whenever I think about us, I still do cry. It's seems more and more difficult to talk now. I still do wish him goodnight before I sleep, every night. Cuz I guess I don't know what to say besides that. Cuz I plainly do not know what was he up to, what was he thinking, where has he been. We don't seem to have a lot of topic now. Lesser than I could imagine. I'm merely trying to hold on with goodnight wishes.

The thought that we could break up any time at all at this moment, is haunting me. But having the thought itself made me feel so upset. It felt worst. Have we lost each other? I didn't want to ask you anymore, yet I couldn't answer it myself either.

I said to myself, that I'd probably give up, when I stop crying.

Ironically, I said to myself to stop crying when I see my boy soon.

I can't help but to break down when he's in front of me.

There's  no one that I would want to run to besides him. 

But I  couldn't tell him what's wrong, cuz its about us. About me. About him. 

Every once and then, there'll be someone, somehow will check on me. To see if I'm okay.

I always say I'm okay.

Baby, that time in the car when we are at the Kepong station, I said, I'm scared. 

I truly am afraid.

Goodnight baby.

HuiJin Liew