irony of being impulsively calm
Things had gone more complicated now. Imagine this, I'm like cheating on someone, whom I cheated on my boyfriend. Sounds crazy? Yes it is true, and it is happening to me. Perhaps I am doing what my mind told me to, that if I could runaway, I would run to Edmund.
He asked if baby boy asked me back would I return, I have no hesitation that I said yes. Nonetheless, if you ask me how I feel, I cannot even make a sound. I suddenly realize something. I had blocked certain memories, which I hope to block certain feelings, had made me lose the capability to feel love. I don't know how to love, just like how I don't know how to cry.
I told him everything I could. I told my stand and how it is not going to change. Although this sounds crazy but I said we could be friends with benefit, if thats what he wants. I could feel a nudge somehow, when he said, 'I realised that getting the body is not important, but the soul is'.
But I guess I was 'strong' that the feeling did not overpower my mindset. It was stronger than I imagined. I will not deny that he made me feel very much appreciated, and I really do appreciate that. Just unfortunate that he is just at the wrong time.
Edmund then somehow comes into picture. It was quiet a sudden that we got mixed up. I once had this tiny crush on him. But oh well. I didn't thought much tho. I always believe he has an eye for someone else. But things got bait closer. He is just in the exact emotional state as I am. I don't know, is the answer when we are questioned on feelings. we are just running on impulse.
Funny thing about me, is how I could be so impulsively calm eventually. I can be so crazy yet so calm in decisions. I just didn't want to think to much, or well, I couldn't think anymore I guess. He asked, if I think he should fall in love with me, I thought for a while, but I said no anyways. I have no idea why that I am willing to be rumored with Edmund but not him. Maybe social pressure is one issue. Well, I just don't know anymore.
Baby boy and I is still in this slightly awkward period. We have been in this confused state I suppose. We try talking but conversation got boring. So we stopped. Once in a while he said love you baby. I didn't know how to respond. I acted the way just to let him know that I'm still stuck in somewhere. I haven't spoken about my feelings to anyone. Neither. I couldn't even feel actually.
I just wanted the time to fly, and I just wanted to go back in time. Less confusion I guess. We hope to control fear, cuz we know how it controls us.
HuiJin Liew
He asked if baby boy asked me back would I return, I have no hesitation that I said yes. Nonetheless, if you ask me how I feel, I cannot even make a sound. I suddenly realize something. I had blocked certain memories, which I hope to block certain feelings, had made me lose the capability to feel love. I don't know how to love, just like how I don't know how to cry.
I told him everything I could. I told my stand and how it is not going to change. Although this sounds crazy but I said we could be friends with benefit, if thats what he wants. I could feel a nudge somehow, when he said, 'I realised that getting the body is not important, but the soul is'.
But I guess I was 'strong' that the feeling did not overpower my mindset. It was stronger than I imagined. I will not deny that he made me feel very much appreciated, and I really do appreciate that. Just unfortunate that he is just at the wrong time.
Edmund then somehow comes into picture. It was quiet a sudden that we got mixed up. I once had this tiny crush on him. But oh well. I didn't thought much tho. I always believe he has an eye for someone else. But things got bait closer. He is just in the exact emotional state as I am. I don't know, is the answer when we are questioned on feelings. we are just running on impulse.
Funny thing about me, is how I could be so impulsively calm eventually. I can be so crazy yet so calm in decisions. I just didn't want to think to much, or well, I couldn't think anymore I guess. He asked, if I think he should fall in love with me, I thought for a while, but I said no anyways. I have no idea why that I am willing to be rumored with Edmund but not him. Maybe social pressure is one issue. Well, I just don't know anymore.
Baby boy and I is still in this slightly awkward period. We have been in this confused state I suppose. We try talking but conversation got boring. So we stopped. Once in a while he said love you baby. I didn't know how to respond. I acted the way just to let him know that I'm still stuck in somewhere. I haven't spoken about my feelings to anyone. Neither. I couldn't even feel actually.
I just wanted the time to fly, and I just wanted to go back in time. Less confusion I guess. We hope to control fear, cuz we know how it controls us.
HuiJin Liew
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