for Chapter one.
It has been a semester that I have been meeting Zhong Jian a lot, that i couldn't resist. Well, we were working most of the time. we had a lot of assignments and work to catch up on. He hasn't been a patient teacher, but he was trying all he to tutor me and answer my stupidest questions. Sometimes I felt so stupid for all the times he was explaining to me, I couldn't get a bit of what was he telling me. I'm sorry I 1wasn't so bright.
Well, asides work, we have been on quite some outings. Although to be honest, we weren't really a couple, though physically we were. So it was natural to him to do what he guess he ought to do. As for me, I am just doing anything could. Not really with much reason. I stop reasoning. So many things we enjoy together. We went Petroscience, we went to dine in places we usually won't dine in, we went to travel for the first time, myself with your family ,we went to watch movies that you love. I had so much of fun. I felt like I'm really enjoying back my life again. No more just dating across using words, using promises with no actions, No more just gadgets and books. Things had grew more than just this.
We're like comrades. We have done pretty much a lot of stuff. Things that ran past my life before I met you, was plain out of the usual. So much different, that I couldn't learn what is the fun of the ordinary. The much love he poured on me made me realise the greatest fun in being average. That day we were at Vietnam, you were mad at me again. It wasn't the first time. I always make you mad, directly or indirectly. Most of the time, I knew I must have done something wrong, but wasn't in my expectation. SO at Vietnam, you were mad at me, because you felt like I wasn't taking this trip as a holiday, but a work. Like I have tasks to complete. I have work to hand in. You said, every time you had to look for me like he's my assistant photographer, every time you had hold my hand first, you said, as if I never tried. You said you wish I could spend time with your parents like how you did for my parents. You said, if I am ashamed to have you as my boyfriend, that I wanted to hide you away. You added that you said couple should tell each other every thing right?
I was taking pictures and I had to let go your hand, because images are important to me. I've missed a lot of pictures because I had always knew you would be upset when I let go. I didn't look for you first, because I knew you'd always be around. I did try interacting with your family, but I'm sorry if I wasn't trying hard enough. I was keeping a low profile, because thats just how I roll. I don't like publication. All the relationships I had were kept in low profile. To me, they were never a show for the world to see. It's just for us to keep. I'm sorry, because I really thought you were okay with it. So I tried to fulfill every thing that you want, anything to keep you happy. I knew scars can never heal in a day. I took time, I guess you'll need them. Nonetheless, the words you utter to me, makes me sad. It's as if its all about how you feel. What about me? It makes me feel like stop taking pictures even when you asked if I want to, cuz I can't tell are you supporting me, or are you just forced to, by rationale?
You needed me to get back to my feet, because your parents will ask, and none of us would want things to grow out of boundaries. I took a short while to be alone, before I turn back to usual. It was tough on me, because I never dealt with this before. I had to keep smiling, and I thought okay, I just am done with it. Then I learn that I didn't because on the way back to Hanoi, you were sleeping, and I can't help that I cried even with my eyes closed. I didn't wipe them , cuz they kept flowing anyway. Then you woke up, you saw, and you asked me why. I kept my eyes close and tears kept flowing anyway. Maybe I was really too heartbroken and a tinge of disappointment. I knew you blamed yourself for the words you uttered. I know although they were blurted out in such a manner, such an environment, those were words that had been running through your mind all the while. I don't blame you since I was the first to hurt you. The only fair thing in this world is karma.
That night, I knew we're gonna talk bout it again. So I waited till you call my name in such a subtle way. You said you were sorry and you shouldn't have said them, you said you were just angry. I didn't know what to say. To say words that defend myself and my feelings, or just to agree to what you said. So I decided, to ask you in return. What would you like me to say? Scar cannot heal in a day, as for you, you remember them so well, how can I expect you to get it over and done with? You promised me that you'll erase them soon enough because I said, it's gonna be never ending, because you will never be able to trust me enough. Even when we are done with it today, it's gonna come back to us tomorrow and in the near future. I remember myself saying I am tired of this. And I guess I just fell asleep.
After the night, I tried to fulfill what you need from me. You once said that you just like the way I am and there is no need for me to change. But in reality, things don't work that way. You want it to be public, so I tried telling my friends when they ask me. So I tried talking to your parents more. So I tried to take less pictures. So I tried to held your hands first. I hope it makes you happy.
So, on the day when I had to leave back to KL, I knew you'd feel so heavy hearted to leave me, since we have been so attached. I was too. But I really got to go. And so that few days I did miss you. I just kinda want you be with me all the time. So on Christmas you came over. The night before you have been baking cookies for me. I had been making card for you. We had a small breakfast at Old Town and we headed to Publika. You wanted to get me my Iron Man phone casing, but unfortunately the shop wasn't open on the day. I dressed up for you, but my menstrual pain and heels aching didn't help at all. We had Maruta Ramen for lunch and we enjoyed taking clothes we probably wouldn't be buy to try on. But I have gotten you your Pull and Bear sweater top and gave you the card. You were impressed and you said, well this is better than the cookies he make. After you read them, you hugged me. Then we headed to Leisure Mall for cake. The next thing I know I'm on my fever. It really does seem like every time you come over, I get sick. I will always need you to look after me then.
On boxing day, we pretty much have nothing to do, no places to go, no appetite to eat. So we watched movie and I knew I had to send you off that day. I can't keep you with me when we have no purpose or anything to do. I cried anyhow. I didn't like the idea that I need to let you off but i know I had been too dependent to you. Just another few more days, I might want to get back to him. Meanwhile, I better start completing his Valentines gift, or I wouldn't have time to do it then.
In his Christmas card, it says Chapter one. And I do hope, there will be more chapter to come for us.
Merry Christmas!
love,
HuiJin Liew
Well, asides work, we have been on quite some outings. Although to be honest, we weren't really a couple, though physically we were. So it was natural to him to do what he guess he ought to do. As for me, I am just doing anything could. Not really with much reason. I stop reasoning. So many things we enjoy together. We went Petroscience, we went to dine in places we usually won't dine in, we went to travel for the first time, myself with your family ,we went to watch movies that you love. I had so much of fun. I felt like I'm really enjoying back my life again. No more just dating across using words, using promises with no actions, No more just gadgets and books. Things had grew more than just this.
We're like comrades. We have done pretty much a lot of stuff. Things that ran past my life before I met you, was plain out of the usual. So much different, that I couldn't learn what is the fun of the ordinary. The much love he poured on me made me realise the greatest fun in being average. That day we were at Vietnam, you were mad at me again. It wasn't the first time. I always make you mad, directly or indirectly. Most of the time, I knew I must have done something wrong, but wasn't in my expectation. SO at Vietnam, you were mad at me, because you felt like I wasn't taking this trip as a holiday, but a work. Like I have tasks to complete. I have work to hand in. You said, every time you had to look for me like he's my assistant photographer, every time you had hold my hand first, you said, as if I never tried. You said you wish I could spend time with your parents like how you did for my parents. You said, if I am ashamed to have you as my boyfriend, that I wanted to hide you away. You added that you said couple should tell each other every thing right?
I was taking pictures and I had to let go your hand, because images are important to me. I've missed a lot of pictures because I had always knew you would be upset when I let go. I didn't look for you first, because I knew you'd always be around. I did try interacting with your family, but I'm sorry if I wasn't trying hard enough. I was keeping a low profile, because thats just how I roll. I don't like publication. All the relationships I had were kept in low profile. To me, they were never a show for the world to see. It's just for us to keep. I'm sorry, because I really thought you were okay with it. So I tried to fulfill every thing that you want, anything to keep you happy. I knew scars can never heal in a day. I took time, I guess you'll need them. Nonetheless, the words you utter to me, makes me sad. It's as if its all about how you feel. What about me? It makes me feel like stop taking pictures even when you asked if I want to, cuz I can't tell are you supporting me, or are you just forced to, by rationale?
You needed me to get back to my feet, because your parents will ask, and none of us would want things to grow out of boundaries. I took a short while to be alone, before I turn back to usual. It was tough on me, because I never dealt with this before. I had to keep smiling, and I thought okay, I just am done with it. Then I learn that I didn't because on the way back to Hanoi, you were sleeping, and I can't help that I cried even with my eyes closed. I didn't wipe them , cuz they kept flowing anyway. Then you woke up, you saw, and you asked me why. I kept my eyes close and tears kept flowing anyway. Maybe I was really too heartbroken and a tinge of disappointment. I knew you blamed yourself for the words you uttered. I know although they were blurted out in such a manner, such an environment, those were words that had been running through your mind all the while. I don't blame you since I was the first to hurt you. The only fair thing in this world is karma.
That night, I knew we're gonna talk bout it again. So I waited till you call my name in such a subtle way. You said you were sorry and you shouldn't have said them, you said you were just angry. I didn't know what to say. To say words that defend myself and my feelings, or just to agree to what you said. So I decided, to ask you in return. What would you like me to say? Scar cannot heal in a day, as for you, you remember them so well, how can I expect you to get it over and done with? You promised me that you'll erase them soon enough because I said, it's gonna be never ending, because you will never be able to trust me enough. Even when we are done with it today, it's gonna come back to us tomorrow and in the near future. I remember myself saying I am tired of this. And I guess I just fell asleep.
After the night, I tried to fulfill what you need from me. You once said that you just like the way I am and there is no need for me to change. But in reality, things don't work that way. You want it to be public, so I tried telling my friends when they ask me. So I tried talking to your parents more. So I tried to take less pictures. So I tried to held your hands first. I hope it makes you happy.
So, on the day when I had to leave back to KL, I knew you'd feel so heavy hearted to leave me, since we have been so attached. I was too. But I really got to go. And so that few days I did miss you. I just kinda want you be with me all the time. So on Christmas you came over. The night before you have been baking cookies for me. I had been making card for you. We had a small breakfast at Old Town and we headed to Publika. You wanted to get me my Iron Man phone casing, but unfortunately the shop wasn't open on the day. I dressed up for you, but my menstrual pain and heels aching didn't help at all. We had Maruta Ramen for lunch and we enjoyed taking clothes we probably wouldn't be buy to try on. But I have gotten you your Pull and Bear sweater top and gave you the card. You were impressed and you said, well this is better than the cookies he make. After you read them, you hugged me. Then we headed to Leisure Mall for cake. The next thing I know I'm on my fever. It really does seem like every time you come over, I get sick. I will always need you to look after me then.
On boxing day, we pretty much have nothing to do, no places to go, no appetite to eat. So we watched movie and I knew I had to send you off that day. I can't keep you with me when we have no purpose or anything to do. I cried anyhow. I didn't like the idea that I need to let you off but i know I had been too dependent to you. Just another few more days, I might want to get back to him. Meanwhile, I better start completing his Valentines gift, or I wouldn't have time to do it then.
In his Christmas card, it says Chapter one. And I do hope, there will be more chapter to come for us.
Merry Christmas!
love,
HuiJin Liew
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