we talked.
I went out with him. It is day 4 after our anniversary. He came today with a different look. Perhaps this is when he began putting something in between us i guess. It's different. I knew it the moment he stepped in the car. Equally I knew I had to say it today no matter what.
He bought a cap for me. Not really , but it is anyway. He held my hand, he never let go more than 5 seconds. He wanted a kiss, he wanted a hug. I kept the kiss, i gave the hug. Come to think of it, I have not hugged him for a long time. really. The warmth is still there. :)
I almost step back again. So I find Penny to seek for courage and I did it. I knew deep down I want to get over this. I do not want to do second confrontation, so I didn't step back once I let go.
He said, would I believe him if he said he never stop loving me since he fell in love? He said, he can never be mad at me. He couldn't. He said sorry. He said he took me for granted. He said I wish you happiness. He asked for second chance. The look in his eyes, I will never forget. He said I was the best he ever had. Maybe he had the best, so he took it for granted. He said, maybe it is true that when we don't care, some one else will. He said, maybe it is true that when you start losing is when you began to realize how important the other half is.
I cried. I thought I wouldn't anymore, but I did. I told him everything that run past my mind. That what I saw, what I remembered, what i felt, what I thought, what happen in the four months, what was the trigger, what broken heart have yet heal, what if I could run, i would.
He said he wouldn't want to lose me even as a friend. I said, we make better friends. I looked into his eyes when I said that. I knew that very moment, even though his eyes are teary, but I pulled myself together to look into his eyes and that was it.
But all the while, I kept crying as I speak, and he looked at me, and he kept quiet as I speak. We left with confused feelings. I went home feeling even more confused when I talk to Penn and Leon.
I guess the guilt ran all over me when I realize he loves me genuinely, but I just didn't. Perhaps, my guesses were true. to be honest, I believe in my instinct a lot and I am born defensive, I do all I can to protect myself. The feelings...so mixed up. When Edmund and ZJ come into picture, it is worst, I swear. So i kept them off the block. I just want to deal with this one at a time.
I am glad nonetheless that he is speaking to me at last. At last, I knew certain things I never did. I hope we can remain friends cuz I think we'll be great as friends. :) He's telling me a lot that made me feel much relief. Sometimes the things they say, seem to be the same. Like how am I NOT an item, how they feel comfortable with me, how they don't care how I look.
Happy that I meant someone to them. I do.
HuiJin Liew
He bought a cap for me. Not really , but it is anyway. He held my hand, he never let go more than 5 seconds. He wanted a kiss, he wanted a hug. I kept the kiss, i gave the hug. Come to think of it, I have not hugged him for a long time. really. The warmth is still there. :)
I almost step back again. So I find Penny to seek for courage and I did it. I knew deep down I want to get over this. I do not want to do second confrontation, so I didn't step back once I let go.
He said, would I believe him if he said he never stop loving me since he fell in love? He said, he can never be mad at me. He couldn't. He said sorry. He said he took me for granted. He said I wish you happiness. He asked for second chance. The look in his eyes, I will never forget. He said I was the best he ever had. Maybe he had the best, so he took it for granted. He said, maybe it is true that when we don't care, some one else will. He said, maybe it is true that when you start losing is when you began to realize how important the other half is.
I cried. I thought I wouldn't anymore, but I did. I told him everything that run past my mind. That what I saw, what I remembered, what i felt, what I thought, what happen in the four months, what was the trigger, what broken heart have yet heal, what if I could run, i would.
He said he wouldn't want to lose me even as a friend. I said, we make better friends. I looked into his eyes when I said that. I knew that very moment, even though his eyes are teary, but I pulled myself together to look into his eyes and that was it.
But all the while, I kept crying as I speak, and he looked at me, and he kept quiet as I speak. We left with confused feelings. I went home feeling even more confused when I talk to Penn and Leon.
I guess the guilt ran all over me when I realize he loves me genuinely, but I just didn't. Perhaps, my guesses were true. to be honest, I believe in my instinct a lot and I am born defensive, I do all I can to protect myself. The feelings...so mixed up. When Edmund and ZJ come into picture, it is worst, I swear. So i kept them off the block. I just want to deal with this one at a time.
I am glad nonetheless that he is speaking to me at last. At last, I knew certain things I never did. I hope we can remain friends cuz I think we'll be great as friends. :) He's telling me a lot that made me feel much relief. Sometimes the things they say, seem to be the same. Like how am I NOT an item, how they feel comfortable with me, how they don't care how I look.
Happy that I meant someone to them. I do.
HuiJin Liew
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