just another note
Dear Zhong Jian,
I guess I had given you too little to trust. I wouldn't and couldn't blame you for anything of that matter. I'm not sure if this is what I can do, and the best I can do. I apologized for all the times that I never wanted to answer you, for all the times that I let you down of your imaginary me. Just unfortunate, I am not the person you think I'd be at all times. Like you've known me. I have hard times where you don't comprehend why did it happen. You called it, The Grumpy me. True enough I suppose. Maybe all I can do, is to tell you sometimes, it's probably just some mood swing. Probably I never knew why. But sometimes, I do.
Blame it on me. I find it very difficult to cope up with you in class. You're just born that way, and I'm just the vice versa. You couldn't understand why did I storm off yesterday. Indeed I was disappointed with the things you've said. I know they weren't true, but I still couldn't take it. Probably my efforts seem like a joke to you. I had a difficult time to blend in with you, they weren't as easy like how you;d do that all the time to every random person you meet. I am not as bright as you, nor anyone else in the Eagle Squad. I tried all I can to get on par with you. I know you just wanted to encourage me, to keep me going, but my mentality just do not work that way. I felt as if I need you all the time to solve petty problems, like I couldn't do it on my own. You tried to let me think bout it myself, but you just cannot help it. I feel so upset with myself for being such a slow learner. At times, you get frustrated teaching me. That look, I can never forget. Once in class for workshop, the lecturer asked if I have calculated the answer. And I wanted to take the calculator from my bag with you, and that very moment, she said, "So he does the calculation for you?". It breaks my esteem so bad. Everyone would probably had a guess that I always needed you to help to do things. Thats why I just don't talk in certain classes. That's why sometimes I wanted to tell you, let me do it. But how? It's an irony that I do need your help, but I didn't want your help sometimes. I hate how I always need to ask how bout this and that and all. Sigh. I'm not even sure you'd understand what did I just said.
Sometimes you are too as irony as I am. I do not know what exactly do you want. You hate how workaholic I get, but you'd still ask me if go do this and that which you presumed I like to do. You hate how I take photographs like I was given a task, but you'd still ask if I want to take pictures of this and that. You hate how I hold on to my phone, but you'd still pass them to me even when I didn't take them. You wanted me to stay, but you'd ask me to go back to my room. I'm not sure what exactly do you want from me, so I'd just do what you say. You didn't want me to change who I am, but you wanted a different me.
Probably you're hoping for a different me. The one ideal girl that fits your world. I'm sorry to have let you down. You know I do not like to talk bout all these. Letting you know, is the best I can do now.
HuiJin Liew
I guess I had given you too little to trust. I wouldn't and couldn't blame you for anything of that matter. I'm not sure if this is what I can do, and the best I can do. I apologized for all the times that I never wanted to answer you, for all the times that I let you down of your imaginary me. Just unfortunate, I am not the person you think I'd be at all times. Like you've known me. I have hard times where you don't comprehend why did it happen. You called it, The Grumpy me. True enough I suppose. Maybe all I can do, is to tell you sometimes, it's probably just some mood swing. Probably I never knew why. But sometimes, I do.
Blame it on me. I find it very difficult to cope up with you in class. You're just born that way, and I'm just the vice versa. You couldn't understand why did I storm off yesterday. Indeed I was disappointed with the things you've said. I know they weren't true, but I still couldn't take it. Probably my efforts seem like a joke to you. I had a difficult time to blend in with you, they weren't as easy like how you;d do that all the time to every random person you meet. I am not as bright as you, nor anyone else in the Eagle Squad. I tried all I can to get on par with you. I know you just wanted to encourage me, to keep me going, but my mentality just do not work that way. I felt as if I need you all the time to solve petty problems, like I couldn't do it on my own. You tried to let me think bout it myself, but you just cannot help it. I feel so upset with myself for being such a slow learner. At times, you get frustrated teaching me. That look, I can never forget. Once in class for workshop, the lecturer asked if I have calculated the answer. And I wanted to take the calculator from my bag with you, and that very moment, she said, "So he does the calculation for you?". It breaks my esteem so bad. Everyone would probably had a guess that I always needed you to help to do things. Thats why I just don't talk in certain classes. That's why sometimes I wanted to tell you, let me do it. But how? It's an irony that I do need your help, but I didn't want your help sometimes. I hate how I always need to ask how bout this and that and all. Sigh. I'm not even sure you'd understand what did I just said.
Sometimes you are too as irony as I am. I do not know what exactly do you want. You hate how workaholic I get, but you'd still ask me if go do this and that which you presumed I like to do. You hate how I take photographs like I was given a task, but you'd still ask if I want to take pictures of this and that. You hate how I hold on to my phone, but you'd still pass them to me even when I didn't take them. You wanted me to stay, but you'd ask me to go back to my room. I'm not sure what exactly do you want from me, so I'd just do what you say. You didn't want me to change who I am, but you wanted a different me.
Probably you're hoping for a different me. The one ideal girl that fits your world. I'm sorry to have let you down. You know I do not like to talk bout all these. Letting you know, is the best I can do now.
HuiJin Liew
Comments
Post a Comment