reciprocate

When people say they love you and you knew you cannot reciprocate, what kind of feeling is this?

i feel helpless in a way. Why? Why say you love me, when I already feel like leaving? Why? Why be so nice to me when you know I'll fall for you? Why? Why kept quite when I needed you most? Why? Why now when I can't feel love anymore? So I am the mean one right? Cuz I have cheated on you.

I guess it is time that we meet to talk for the first time. I don't know exactly if you would want me to stay, or would I really keep to my promise to stay. All I want, is an honest relationship.

Probably Edmund is another special person in my life and that is it. No point, if he doesn't want it like I do. Why go through the same history again right?

On the way to Ipoh, Leon was talking to me. So we were talking about feelings, about my baby boy and me. Looking at the bigger picture, it really seems like, I stop how I felt for him. I knew it is the end, cuz I can even spell out that I like that special edition. I keep asking Leon, why why? Why did I fell for people who shuns me away, and why do I shun people who loves me?

I actually wanted to write to baby boy, but I guess I'd rather met him up this time. Let's see if he could change my mind, and return the feelings I once had, and probably still have for him. And we shall see how it goes I guess. I did told Leon, if he wants me to stay, I will stay. It is just part of my obligation i guess.

Le sigh.

HuiJin Liew