my thoughts, or your actions.
Here am I in this pathetic state again. I hate how I was right. i hate how much curiosity does to me. How it brings people together and pull people apart.
Yesterday, we had a gathering with the kids. :) no doubt, it's been a while since we had such much laughters in the headquarters. I'm happy to see them happy. Always there, I said, always there for them. Cuz I know, no one else matters more to me than them. Friends before boys. :)
Well, talking about how curiosity brings people together, in Kampong, they all call me the Penghulu. Cuz every group needs a leader. Groups have trouble in decision making. Somebody needs to make calls, make decisions and keep everyone in tact and most importantly to feel at home. I hope I have still done a good job. People grow and people change. In the end of the day, it's essential for me to still be able to see them at their most comfortable state. Cuz it's how we got together and I want to keep us together the same way.
It was a great day. It was.
I remember the day baby ask outta the blue what am I doing today. My first thought, was that he want to ask me out. Second thought, was the scary one. It tells me, he just wanted to know where am I going, just in case he bumps into me. He has a date perhaps.
But I brushed the thoughts away. He said he's going for a movie with a friend, and a meeting at 3pm. It's okay HuiJin. Then yesterday my instinct tells me to read twitter. So I did. I scrolled. And scrolled. Then I saw a tweet says, going for a movie with him later. It's on the same day. If he had never asked where will I be, if the second thought never came to mind, my heart wouldn't felt so broken.
I hate how my instinct brings me to. I hate how much I understood him.
I knew who she was, and I'm sure he knows that I remember her. I guess that's one reason why he was afraid. Cuz I knew a lot about him, I've heard a lot about him. Let's not say about what I heard, just me myself, I had a first hand experience. He held my hand, he hugged me, he kissed me like he has known me for years. Maybe meeting her wasn't just the point he was afraid of. He's afraid of what I'd see if I bump into them. Holding her hands? Hugging her? Or kissing her? I knew if I talk to him, he's not gonna explain anyway. I know him, remember? I knew I had made him feel very cautious. Everything he does, it matters, every word he said, it matters.
It's 6 weeks ago since I felt that way. I really didn't know which hurts more. My thoughts, or his actions?
Now I'm back to this state, the time he had his competition finale and he asked if I could go? I asked myself, do you really love him that much? Is he really that important? Is he really worth it? I went anyway cuz it was an important day for him. That's how I know I am in love with him.
It's funny cuz here I am, feeling the same again now. It's just him having a work. At first he asked me to go, cuz he needed a ride back to PJ. Now that he doesn't need me for the ride, I wonder if I should go. He doesn't need me, right?
Why am I back to the stage I had to choose? Why in a relationship, I had to take the lead and make calls?
HuiJin Liew
Yesterday, we had a gathering with the kids. :) no doubt, it's been a while since we had such much laughters in the headquarters. I'm happy to see them happy. Always there, I said, always there for them. Cuz I know, no one else matters more to me than them. Friends before boys. :)
Well, talking about how curiosity brings people together, in Kampong, they all call me the Penghulu. Cuz every group needs a leader. Groups have trouble in decision making. Somebody needs to make calls, make decisions and keep everyone in tact and most importantly to feel at home. I hope I have still done a good job. People grow and people change. In the end of the day, it's essential for me to still be able to see them at their most comfortable state. Cuz it's how we got together and I want to keep us together the same way.
It was a great day. It was.
I remember the day baby ask outta the blue what am I doing today. My first thought, was that he want to ask me out. Second thought, was the scary one. It tells me, he just wanted to know where am I going, just in case he bumps into me. He has a date perhaps.
But I brushed the thoughts away. He said he's going for a movie with a friend, and a meeting at 3pm. It's okay HuiJin. Then yesterday my instinct tells me to read twitter. So I did. I scrolled. And scrolled. Then I saw a tweet says, going for a movie with him later. It's on the same day. If he had never asked where will I be, if the second thought never came to mind, my heart wouldn't felt so broken.
I hate how my instinct brings me to. I hate how much I understood him.
I knew who she was, and I'm sure he knows that I remember her. I guess that's one reason why he was afraid. Cuz I knew a lot about him, I've heard a lot about him. Let's not say about what I heard, just me myself, I had a first hand experience. He held my hand, he hugged me, he kissed me like he has known me for years. Maybe meeting her wasn't just the point he was afraid of. He's afraid of what I'd see if I bump into them. Holding her hands? Hugging her? Or kissing her? I knew if I talk to him, he's not gonna explain anyway. I know him, remember? I knew I had made him feel very cautious. Everything he does, it matters, every word he said, it matters.
It's 6 weeks ago since I felt that way. I really didn't know which hurts more. My thoughts, or his actions?
Now I'm back to this state, the time he had his competition finale and he asked if I could go? I asked myself, do you really love him that much? Is he really that important? Is he really worth it? I went anyway cuz it was an important day for him. That's how I know I am in love with him.
It's funny cuz here I am, feeling the same again now. It's just him having a work. At first he asked me to go, cuz he needed a ride back to PJ. Now that he doesn't need me for the ride, I wonder if I should go. He doesn't need me, right?
Why am I back to the stage I had to choose? Why in a relationship, I had to take the lead and make calls?
I have decided. I'm going to Malacca. Let me be selfish for once. I just need to feel love. I'm sorry I don't know how to stand alone now.
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